Ishq Sufiyana...!

Isn't it a very deservedly popular song, Ishq Sufiana. It is always that this image of love, as a kind of devotion, has a mesmerizing effect on this writer. That brand of love which asks for nothing in return and love becomes it's own reward, its own nourisher, its own beneficiary and benefactor. Is this sort of love possible.Somehow I am sure God blesses us with this particular genre of love.
Here, in this particular post, i am talking of love in a way, that a person loves her work, her passion, love for any creative expression, be it tangible, audible, but flowing right from the heart. Such love is indifferent to bouquets and brickbats the we may be greeted with on our way to where we want to go. Such love that is self-sufficient is not a "Mauhtaj" of an external object of desire, not of approvals and results/rewards are undesired and usually uncared for. The love that will make "our" definition of love seem alien and so much painful and self-defeating.

And I am so sorry that I have no words to define such a love.

I want to write to my Creator that let me be blessed with that brand of love, for with out the Supreme sanction such a great gift can not be received. Thank you for brandishing my vain goals and dressing down my articulations and affectations. I am not sorry for them as they brought me closer to you somehow. It is so surprising that most insults, bad times and tough ordeals have infact brought me closer to myself, brought me closer to the one who is the source of such love. In all the defeats and ordeals faced until now, there hasn't been one that was without a reason. And the reason has always brought one closer to reality, humbled me and made me more human. Taught me that everything pure and perfect exists and that too much closer than we can imagine, that is with in. But it is most difficult to appreciate things that are closer, they seem too ordianry to be appreciated. And the ordinary is actually the most valuable-I am thankful that there is no rationing on the most important things in life. Thank you, as what ever is most necessary for a great survival, has been given to me free of cost. Thank you God, this is the first time I go public with such heartfelt thanks.

Days have been particulary taxing and unusual, but with in this turmoil and madness, I have found a purpose, a place, a place that is virgin, uncharted by fears, good, bad, ugly, right or wrongs. That is the kingdom of dreams, and i can fly over to that place as and when i find myself in an unsolvable dilemma, most of the problems that one encounters, one has no power to solve, but possesses only resource. For, the only power granted to humankind is Will-power and faith, all others are resources to get the tinkering right. I do not blame you if you do not believe me, cause just some time back all this was as alien to me as it may today sound to you. But, I have come to believe that the greatest happiness is the one delivered, and the greatest pain is that suffered in seclusion and loneliness. I pray very earnestly that may no one suffer such pain ever. We are all enough fortunate to share grief, our's or someone else's. The greatest fear is that of weakness, of impending sorrow, of impending doom. The greatest freedom is freedom from this fear and the greatest benefactor is faith and love. The greatest teacher is illusion that greets us all the way, and one by one it lifts those veils, tantalizing and never showing its true face for it has none. But illusion has taught one that lessons are meant to be learnt, veils to be lifted and life enjoyed. Wit all its vagaries and travails, life is a great experience. i am happy i am having this.

Believe me, today I want to thank God for the ordeals placed before me, Tough tests keep us focussed on what is necessary and ignore what is superficial.

Coming back to that love, which is like a prayer offered, a dua proffered, a hand held on a rough road, an unforgettable experience, so pure that you do not want to disturb its purity by discussing it, it is only to be experienced, that is what it was made for, that is what life was made for, Experience, and learning. If there is one healer ever created, it is graitude, being grateful makes us happiest. Am I asking for too much and getting too misty about things,....may be! but this is a free flow of thoughts and nothings kinda can successfully stop it.

Have a great time till we meet again. Love yourself and the ordianry, for that is the most important.

Which Way Heaven...

When I read the great masterpiece Madhushala by the excellsior himself, Late Shri Harivansh Rai Bacchhan ji, I always feel that the Pathik is always asking these questions like "Which way heaven?", "How far form here? How long will it take?", while he goes about his journey, he contantly imagines what heaven must be like, this or that, the imagination as such is always dictated by the desires and regrets as well as aspirations and experience gathered after years of wanderlust. Human choices are very complex equations, never perfectly balanced, for there is actually no balance, for the outcome will vary with each variable used, so many number of times and added or subtracted from an infinitude that is made up of such numerous smaller equations. It is that sometimes it seems that we are not making the choice, but the choice is making us. And well, do you have the gall to deny this, I don't think so!

says Bazz Luhrmann, "Your choices are half chance and so are everybody else's."

Sometimes we can simply imagine a choice and bring it to the 3 dimensional material universe and sometimes, in fact most of the times, we may be also be able to influence the 4th dimension of Time. So says the rule of reversibility, or what ever it is called. They say that there are two ways the universe works. Number one is mundane. We see the thing first and the image in the mind is formed later and then we recognize what our worthy eyes are seeing. The other way is interesting, first you have to see something in the mind and then will you see it right there in front of your eyes. It is very true, reverse reaction will take up energy and will not take place until the catalyst of Will is not present, but with these two present in necessary and sufficient amounts, it will be done.

It is very comforting to know that there are several things that will always be out of the domain of general understanding, such is the domain of faith, it exists if you know it does, if you think it does not, well, it thinks the same and disappears. Thus most of our philosophers might propound that will is an important instrument to realize and materialize our most mundane ideas, wishes, etc. But more important is the faith which comes only when one is sure that with this materialization, the goodness in self and thus all around will only increase so much or more!

So I want to have faith, that will assure me that my will is not directing me the wrong way!

See you soon, in the domain of sheer existence at will, in that region of hope where we find all answers but they are irrelevant, where we stop asking which way heaven, and thus findout, it is Heaven all the way!

It is immense pleasure to be writing again, but do forgive me for being so irregular ! :P

Such a long journey!!

So, well, am back after this disturbing hiatus.
Disturbing hiatus, because a hiatus is probably a disturbing period. I mean, look at Egypt, Libya, Tunisia....and may be...may be....who knows...China...after some time. I do feel that oppression is a good catalyst for brewing trouble. and China is presently trying to balance a see-saw, well no doubt about that. One one side it has this educated subject and on the other side it has it's own anachronistic, but functional, bureaucracy. Correct me if I am wrong.
A difficult question then arises. What were the masses doing for the past 30-41 years. It won't take an expert to answer that this is not the same mass.
the Feb 21 issue of Outlook, Mr. Vinod Mehta, in the column "Delhi Diary" writes that just bacause an uprising isn't in the offing in India, doesn't mean India is any better. Infact, like many others he compares Elections with the Pressure cookers safety valve. And to support this he offers figures comparing Per Capita Income of Egypt and Per Capita Income of a particular adivasi tribe in India. I find this comparison irrelevant. I am not taking sides, even if I should like to do that. But the fact that India has maintained that SYSTEM of Democracy, itself seems to me a milestone. And i still see how people remember the emergency, not too dearly. Though ofcourse the exception is Gurcharan Das, who, in his book "India Unbound" states that "the emergency was too good to last". But these are subjective statements. From what I see today, with the benefit of hindsight, i can say, Emergency might have been good or bad, but it did no good that was enduring.
And at the end we come to the same old statement..."All spent, and nothing endures".
So here comes an end to my blabber..............blah....blah....blah....
P.S.
I am trying to explain my self a few things ....
Like T. S. Eliot, who does not want to ASK for this man's favor or that man's scope, am too obviously left with that wretched feeling that leaves you with one total satisfaction of having tried. That gives you the strength to go on and NEVER look back, not in anger, not remorse, not in revelry either.

Pedestrian at Priority

Hi,

I read this somewhere,

"Just to remind myself and whoever wished to be; Today is the first day of the rest of life...just live it." Kudos to life.
And coming to USA, I have got a great deal lot to tell. I treasure my wide eyed wonder that usually surfaces and will show up again and again till the time the rigmarole of the daily life makes my marrow go callous.

One thing you can't help about noticing in this country is "SPACE", tangible and intangible, Space to move about and space to think through as you do so. They aren't bothered by new faces, I mean the Americans. I go for a walk everyday, and I haven't had an experience when somebody has not wished me a Good Morning or Evening. Seemingly this is a very minor point that you smile at somebody, wish somebody, though you never came across that person in the past and it is very unsure that it may happen in the future too. But to me it is symbolic of the pace with which they can cope up or even embrace CHANGE. I hope I am not exaggerating the significance of my observation lest it might degenerate in to being treated as a poetic license. But tell me, Don't you agree?

The other thing that stands out is the respect for the "Pedestrian and cyclewala's". At the Traffic Signal is written "Vehicles must give way to pedestrians".There is a seperate lane for Bikers!

On the toll booths on a highway, you can say where the possibility of finding a pedestrian is approximately nil, it is written with black on yellow, "WATCH OUT FOR PEDESTRIANS".

Walking is such a convenient option here with a whole lane dedicated to you!!

Everyday I have a a whole lot of arguments and counter arguments with myself. When I am in the kitchen, I think the best invention in the world is the TISSUE. Often after having an Orbit after a meal, I feel the chewing gum is the best invention ever, otherwise I also include internet,
the micro-wave oven, etc, etc.

But the point that I am trying to make is that every effort is made so that the human effort required per task can be minimized.

But I miss being on my own here. In India it was so easy to be on your own. We have buses that take care of the majority that does not own an automobile. Here I am not so sure of that. Presently I feel crippled without a car. But my friend in Newark says that the train service in NJ and NY is good. Did I not say, I am very new here!

I am in no case denigrating India for not having all things that USA has to offer, but yes I do wish that someday, and I hope that day soon turns up, common man will be the VIP in India. Things are difficult, looking at our geography, our population, level of technology, etc. but things are possible.

Personally, I have great respect for the Delhi Metro, it makes life convenient for that common man who votes, works, and hopes that someday we will be THERE!

Wonderstruck!!

“And I feel the excitement that only a free man can feel, at the beginning of his long journey, the conclusion of which is uncertain.
I hope to cross the border,
I hope to shake hands with my friend,
I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams….I Hope.”

Thus Red meets his friend Andy just at the Pacific…I am in love with this dialogue-“Hope is a good thing, in fact the best of things, and good things never die!”

How true…good things never die! Actually we never let go of good things…we do not want to!!
“Rehna tu, hai jaise tu, thoda sa dard tu, thoda sukoon, thoda sa resham, tu humdum, thoda sa khurdura, kabhi to lad jaye, ya ad jaye, ya masti se bharaa, tujhe badalna, na chahoon, ratti bhar bhi sanam, bina sajaawat, banaawat, na zyada na hi kam!!”

The song articulates that wretched feeling that a pining lover undergoes…at her wanton desired one…I am a lover, my love is life. How fickle it is, like a mistress with severe mood swings, but also like a mother that scolds the child when there is some mistake!!

I can run and hide from all of you…, but not from my life, THE CONSCIENCE, it follows me wherever I go!! So it is impossible to leave anything unfinished here, in this territory, called life, sooner or later you will have to do it…sooner or later define success or failure in our pathetic jargons…sooner or later will decide intelligence and , and Ourselves. Myself!!
When I was 20, and committed a mistake, I found it better to NOT admit, but today, when am 25, I find it easier admitting it…these five years have not changed me much , but have taught me that- Things will not always go my way!!
I am better off being wrong, because when I am right, I am dangerous!!-so says my anger control point-No.4.
Life is not destiny, it is not fate. Life is a bunch of options and you have time to choose and not choose, Time to say hi or just pass as if you never met, Time to sleep and pass sleepless nights, Time to think or just buy Time, Time to ask questions or silence those asking you, Time to admit, Time to defend, Time, Time , Time…you have a benefit of hindsight, but of foresight, no, I have none!!

I am , today I can say, very happy with the choices I have made, the blunders that owe something to me…but , I hope I have learnt , I am happy that I was criticized by somebody so severely that it just seemed impossible not to take it seriously…I have made my choices…and will make a many…I hope I do not repeat mistakes, I hope I understand my own weaknesses, I hope I be contrite at my mistakes, I hope I rejoice at this point when I know-That- I DESERVE TO LEARN- Goodday!!

Don't feel good:(

Hi,
I hope I have been good all along...no matter how much you try , but life never turns out purrfect...the most curious thing about it is that it is unpredictable. Sometimes defying reason as if on purpose...and sometimes out there on cue to help you..miscievous ...if that is not a euphemism...let it be only life...no synonym exists!!
Let us see what..
1 Ankita leaving today, yes, am not feeling too good about it...there is some sort of a charisma in her that enlivens every moment that I spend with her...sometimes illogical...she sometimes mutters the most witty epigrams..huhh! Unlike me and my mom...who are so used to eclat that now our marrow got callous and we re intereset in some simple things...But ankita is very different...she has intuitive innocence...that goes a long way to help her...you don't find many people like her...I have found none...not becoz she is my sister...I hope that is not the reason...atleast not intended...umm!! I write later....bye!!

Do they speak!!

That's near Maan Sarovar...

This is the recent visit to Haridwar, in the Ashram where we put up!!

Ganga Ghat in Kumbh-just before sandhya Aarti!

This is the only picture of Father Pinto that I have!! I remember him as the best teacher and guide...I will see you again Father!!

Some Photu's for my own benefit...