Invitation

Good Morning !

It is 7:30 am  on a lazy Saturday as I am goaded to write, by a few crooks who really take time to read what I write. This is for them.

The weather has warmed a little even as we continue to wear a sweater or two waiting for summer to come. The birds around are particularly lavish in their “Good Morning” and other how-do-you-dos as I sit in my balcony to write to you. Well, they know it for sure that it is not only a Saturday morning but also the beginning of a long and cherished weekend.

A point in perspective would be that a beginning that usually seems so promising, an end that is always so much with in reach and a goal that is achieved in the mind’s eye, ere long we start working towards it. Such a thought promises us something we have always heard about in fairy tales and bed time stories …, "The Happily Ever After…”. A time and place where time is infinity for we may spend it to our liking and though we may most utilize it, we can be faster that the rate at which time is shrinking before we get to our goal.

Time is Shrinking here and now, between the thought and the action, between the idea and the execution…(T.S. Eliot??)…This is a genius of time it is most adept at concealing. Shrinking but never vanishing…

All of this boils down to the “when we were young…” perspective of the good souls who started with a lot of zeal and passion but non-essentials, misdirected actions stole more that the time devoted to them.

There is a fine silken net in time, not of time but in time…this silken net filtered their intentions and activities, where good intentions filtered out to infinity, the misdirected and misaligned activities, on account of the matter they are made of, could not pass to that Universe, the other side of the silken net where time is infinity, beautiful and ever-expanding, not because it undergoes a morphological change, but because each goal/intention aligned activity when realized adds to the infinity of time.

How relaxing it is to sit back and wish that all events fall in place so as to assist us to reach out to this other side of time where the soul potential is so stretched that time can be seen in perspective. But the truth being, events seldom fall in place to assist us, they may help but NOT assist, complement or flatter our expectations. And a couple of the untoward sorts, shatter confidence resulting in loss of perspective, weakening of the sense of goal and the other side of the Silken Net remains only that, the Other Side. We can see through it, we may see it all happening on the other side but now and henceforth promise to call it “things that could have been”. 

Good News is that it does not end here.

By nature, Nature is an optimist, it will, as says Paulo Coelho, keep sending you indications through Omens. Omens inspire as they talk of a higher Plan telling us what should be done, that our talents are important, it is necessary to use them at this point of time, NOW.

The decision to whether or not listen to the plan higher than us is entirely ours. We may dismiss the Omen and decide against our own happiness that the Right Time to complete the task is long past (BTW there is no Right Time to finish, whenever finished is the Right Time), thinking probably that too little can be now done. On the contrary, we may decide that we simply need to reach the other side of this Silken Net, where no time is too late and no task too big. That Universe where only out thoughts and actions can take us to. This silken net may explain as to why certain extremely talented people rise to popularity in a very short time only to be lost in the oblivion a little while later. Nature rewards persistence as written by the great poet T. S. Eliot

“The lot of man is ceaseless labour,

Or ceaseless idleness, which is still harder,

Or irregular labour, which is not pleasant”

--------(Choruses from “The Rock”)

Persistence is the only way to build a consciousness so subtle that will easily glide over to the OTHER SIDE.

So I have written this spiel only to invite you to a discussion over a cup of tea, there on the other side, where I aspire to be, and I am only beginning….Let us meet then…everyday…and we may discover another finer net of divine silk threads, to make us aspire to greatness and infinity…Amen.

Lest I die...

Opinionated, i may sound....but this one thing about death has really made me wonder. Death may be anything, but what matters most about it is the suddenness of death. "Not even a Goodbye could be afforded God?", well, that is the question I wanted to ask the One, and the only one. Is death seemingly sudden only  to those who are still alive (Atleast those of us on earth) or is it the same for the subjects as well.

Nevertheless, what saddens me is the suddenness. It seems just like we are all climbing, clambering up a hill if you llike it, and suddenly we make that last move and take the last step to that valley. i do not venture to say we fall, we may simply fly away, for death may have a power to give us those wings, that make all obstacles and hurtful things, just that, redundant. 

This is to death... Had it been thus, that before dyeing, a person would be accorded a moment to meet every one, one met, laughed with, shared sorrows with, had dinner with, traveled on the metro with, flirted with, with enemies and friends alike, just to say, "Good Bye, and Thank you!" Just these words, why did God make it that way, that death catches us unawares. God, could it not be more pleasant ?. Like, first a dream, a signal of death. The person now prepares for his or her death, and tries and meets everyone, lives that last few days with the fullest zeal and does not bother for the trivial things in life, that really do not matter if I die tomorrow....But sorry, I believe such a life would be more painful than the surprise of death. I just wish, if after death could be a warm welcome, and another, Better Life, hopefully it shall be like that....

Again, Lest I die tomorrow, i shall thank you today. 

And why Lest....? It is certain, did someone promise eternity, no, may be longevity, but not eternity, so death is not sudden at all. Death at best is a drastic step nevertheless, but is the most certain thing on earth. And thus i feel life is best lived in uncertainty, as Morgan Freeman says in the movie "The Shaw Shank Redemption", " And i , I feel like a free man at the beginning of his journey, the end of which is uncertain"

Thus in vain have I avoided Uncertainty, while reminding myself of such an inherent and all pervading Uncertainty will make me embrace Certainty with out the need to wait and say , "Good bye, And Thank you!" for worse, I may never be able to say them, Lest I die tomorrow...

For saying good bye hurts the most, especially when it means a Good Bye for good...probably we have been spared of such an ordeal.....and hopefully, there shall be no good bye's but only occasions when we say so...

No i wont end it there, I have written this as it seems more like a duty to me to write about this particular thing we wish not to think about....Have a good day!!

Walking on a HILL

Charles H Spurgeon's famous quote, "Humility is to make a right estimate of one's self"

There are promises, kept for the heck of it, kept well and not kept. Here I am talking of promises not kept.

If you have heard Baz Luhrmann's lyrics in "Sunscreen", please try remember the line that talks about the "Real Troubles in life", which will be those that blindside you on the noon of some uneventful day...

1. Okay, it was almost 7 pm as i stepped out for the customary evening walk, crossing the traffic signal by probably 7:20. I think I can vividly remember thinking about Debbie who used to tell me that a woman is safest when she is back home before dark, and the most developed nation in the world was no exception to this fact according to her. By 7:30 I was on the causeway, but this time the new faces disturbed me, for no other reason but because they were new. Among these unfamiliar faces, i spotted Dorris. Okay, Dorris and i met almost every day, shared howdy's and sallied forth with our individual routines. I can't claim we knew each other, we did not...! But this evening was different. I felt relieved on having spotted her and we walked up and down together. She told me it was not safe to be out with out a car at this hour and insisted that she'd drop me home. I instantly agreed. Now we started talking about her family. She had 4 kids, a husband and 2 dogs. Originally from Thailand, she had come to USA with her husband in the 80's (this made me think that she was pretty MUCH older than I was). It was an interesting story. Her husband was in Thailand on business and was staying in the hotel where Dorris worked. Somehow, they fell for each other and one day he asked her if she would like to come to USA with him, obviously she blushed at the proposal (though she omitted saying this, but I could make out..:)) but later agreed when he proposed her for marriage as well. Since then she has been there with her husband and kids. And then she talked a little about her daughter of which I remember nothing. We then discussed Thai Cuisine, tapering on to Indian curries and vegetables, and it was here that I made a promise. Probably, i successfully made this impression on her that Indian Cuisine is much more than curry and spices...."I will cook beans and carrots the Indian way and get it for you tomorrow" I promised as i got down from the car. "Look forward" she said enthusiastically.

Such a simple promise, never thought I wouldn't be able to keep this one. Sometimes i think what would have Dorris thought of my sudden flight to the oblivion in so far as our little evening walk was concerned. Probably she has seen much more life than i had so as to not wonder...

2. I was waiting at the library. We were to meet for the first time today. Chris told me she would come by 9 am or so after her Pilate classes. And so I waited. At some minutes past nine she walked in, brisk, slight and cheerful. "Oh ! Good Morning, Chris talked to me about you, How are you doing this morning", she said "Perfect, How about you..." With this she opened the beautiful library, tiny and filled with books related to religions, mainly Christianity (now i got the obsession when another woman at mass asked me what is the Hindu Belief and I was speechless, till the time i told her that we believe in One God, seemed even politically correct, though my first thought was "Oh....I never thought about this"). 

"I made some banana bread and got some for you , thought you'd like it" she said as she opened her cabin and unpacked her stuff. Were we meeting for the first time, was my first thought and then I was extremely thankful. I do not remember how many times I said "thank you" but clearly I overdid it, not so much for the bread as for the gesture. Later, we talked about her family and her daughter and her dietitian who had unveiled the secret of beautiful skin to her, it was "Water, plain, not carbonated, unsweetened and thus boring Water" and she kept chewing some cabbage leaves for lunch ( she was about 70-75 years old). About this time, after having understood my duties at the library, where I was supposed to serve every Tuesday, I looked up all the shelves and saw "Great Religions of the World" published by the National Geographic. Seemed interesting. I took the book and the banana bread, promised to return this book on the next Tuesday. I reached the apartment, just in time as it was now stormy weather outside. How I sampled the Banana bread with coffee and liked it too. One thing i am happy about is that i called Barbara and told her how nice the bread tasted, thanks once again. But the promise for the "very expensive" book could not be kept. Again, as with Dorris, I wonder if Barbara was beyond wonderment to understand that one moment was enough to change life, anyone's, and may be mine had changed.

 Many promises and most of them made to myself have not been kept. But the two above are particularly painful for may be I never will get a chance to even meet these people, worse, may be they wont even remember my promise. For i wanted to ceremoniously thank Tim, Kelly's husband, who really thought well, I wanted to abuse the British lawyer whom I do not wish to name here for being such a mercenary, thank the African American couple (who were probably engaged in recycling waste from dry cleaners) who were kind enough to drop me to my place on my first day in the southern storm, meet Mr. Manish Soni and thank him for the selfless "service" he had so gracefully rendered for a noble cause, meet Abal and tell him that probably some dreams are best left unfulfilled, for we do not have the guts they charge, meet Nasreen, the Pakistani lady who minted money....I just wanted to see the living face of consumerism, and lastly to collect those Cherokee trousers in the apartment opposite to Lakshmi di's, for I know not what fate met them.....such are the mysteries of life, and may be , gentle reader, you will curse me for having read this for it may mean nothing to you, but I had to write this one....For Grace...!

Forgive me as the names mentioned in the post are most unrelated to you, but even in your life these characters will appear bearing different names....

So, let me think of my next post now....


Good Night...!

\

Transcending squares and other regular polygons

Hi there!
I have the Indian Express, Chandigarh Edition on my desk. One of the headlines, somehow, caught my attention, and with that reappeared a few moments which I spent at the Kashmere gate metro station, hitherto these moments were salted away in some stray corner of my minds workshop.

"SC lifts Maharashtra dance bar ban, says it is unconstitutional", says the headline.

A bench with honorable Chief Justice of India, Altamas Kabir and Justice S S Nijjar upheld the Bombay High Court verdict, which gave a very sensible and logical reason for declaring that any such ban on a particular profession was unconstitutional.

Now let us, together, recollect that particular morning, though very uneventful, in Delhi. I was supposed to travel to Delhi Mumbai by the 9:30 flight. Now, in order to reach the airport, we have in Delhi a very convenient arrangement of the Metro air link. Also having not much baggage, I felt that the safest way to travel from Kashmere gate to IGI Airport was the metro link, the decision seemed even better as I was to travel at 4 : 30 am. Not only safe, but also economical.

The taxi dropped me at at the Kashmere gate metro station at 4:45 (why was I there at 4; 45 is a different story, it was a continuous journey from some other place, so let us forget that part as it is of no consequence). I got down with my luggage and saw many other people, predominantly men waiting for the metro station gate to open. Cool. I still had a 15 minute window to stand and stare before getting back to my regular polygon.

As I was the only female around till then, I was over alert and that is a real pain. But lo! I saw an attractive female, very skinny, wearing a very attractive outfit (which somehow, I would have considered unsafe as it attracted much attention). This gave me an uncanny relief. She appeared from nowhere, confident in her stride, she walked up to the lorry selling Jaljeera, had a glassful, put paid to this guy. Walked further to the Pan ka Galla, lit  a cigarette and stood there smoking, oblivious to stares or comments.
A couple of minutes later, came another beautiful girl, again clad in an outfit that made me now wonder what may be the reason for hanging around on this busy street with such devil-may-care attitude. What was the reason that these women were tarrying on the edge considered most vulnerable for a woman. They may be associated with any odd profession, but why would someone want to expose oneself to such circumstances that may engender irreparably harmful consequences. Now as the two of them, together crossed the street and were on the other side, I kept staring, till I could no longer see 'em.

Here I was still standing inside the regular polygon of morality, sides of which are dictated by religion, fear, society, education, economic strata, comfort, repression and know not how many sides does this polygon conform to. We add sides to such polygons every moment, in every choice, in every transaction. Now, let us assume that we keep on adding sides to our polygon, one moment the number of such sides reaches infinity, now, our polygon turns in to a circle, then, as is our nature we still keep adding dimensions that reflect not as sides now but as an expanding circle, just see what has happened....!! We were trying to constrain our polygon by adding numerous, infinite restrictions (symbolically sides), but when we keep doing this for a long time, such restriction is doing exactly opposite of what is the "moral" (irony intended) intent of doing so, in the parlance we end up creating a larger region, that will keep gaining and eventually become all encompassing....that is the place we actually belong to...this place knows no boundaries of good, bad, moral, immoral, small, big, important, unimportant, useful, useless, safe, easy, correct etc.

Is crime part of the criminal's  psychology or that of the victim? Going by the way some people plan to ban scantily clad mannequins wearing lingerie, deemed as "titillating", we may be forced in to a Burqua system. The best way to avoid wrongdoing is to avoid the "Doing" part outright. Instead of building a progressive culture, we wish to be dictated by whims of those who do not wish to get to the root of this criminal syndrome, pushing us in to a vicious regressive cycle...let us not be swayed by what is moral/immoral, let us all be first wise enough to decide for ourselves, probably that should solve most of the problems sans government interference.

Let us aim at education, exposure, governance, tolerance, non-discrimination...It all starts with us, and thus only we have the potential to nip the criminal intent right in the bud.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there." - Rumi

Ishq Sufiyana...!

Isn't it a very deservedly popular song, Ishq Sufiana. It is always that this image of love, as a kind of devotion, has a mesmerizing effect on this writer. That brand of love which asks for nothing in return and love becomes it's own reward, its own nourisher, its own beneficiary and benefactor. Is this sort of love possible.Somehow I am sure God blesses us with this particular genre of love.
Here, in this particular post, i am talking of love in a way, that a person loves her work, her passion, love for any creative expression, be it tangible, audible, but flowing right from the heart. Such love is indifferent to bouquets and brickbats the we may be greeted with on our way to where we want to go. Such love that is self-sufficient is not a "Mauhtaj" of an external object of desire, not of approvals and results/rewards are undesired and usually uncared for. The love that will make "our" definition of love seem alien and so much painful and self-defeating.

And I am so sorry that I have no words to define such a love.

I want to write to my Creator that let me be blessed with that brand of love, for with out the Supreme sanction such a great gift can not be received. Thank you for brandishing my vain goals and dressing down my articulations and affectations. I am not sorry for them as they brought me closer to you somehow. It is so surprising that most insults, bad times and tough ordeals have infact brought me closer to myself, brought me closer to the one who is the source of such love. In all the defeats and ordeals faced until now, there hasn't been one that was without a reason. And the reason has always brought one closer to reality, humbled me and made me more human. Taught me that everything pure and perfect exists and that too much closer than we can imagine, that is with in. But it is most difficult to appreciate things that are closer, they seem too ordianry to be appreciated. And the ordinary is actually the most valuable-I am thankful that there is no rationing on the most important things in life. Thank you, as what ever is most necessary for a great survival, has been given to me free of cost. Thank you God, this is the first time I go public with such heartfelt thanks.

Days have been particulary taxing and unusual, but with in this turmoil and madness, I have found a purpose, a place, a place that is virgin, uncharted by fears, good, bad, ugly, right or wrongs. That is the kingdom of dreams, and i can fly over to that place as and when i find myself in an unsolvable dilemma, most of the problems that one encounters, one has no power to solve, but possesses only resource. For, the only power granted to humankind is Will-power and faith, all others are resources to get the tinkering right. I do not blame you if you do not believe me, cause just some time back all this was as alien to me as it may today sound to you. But, I have come to believe that the greatest happiness is the one delivered, and the greatest pain is that suffered in seclusion and loneliness. I pray very earnestly that may no one suffer such pain ever. We are all enough fortunate to share grief, our's or someone else's. The greatest fear is that of weakness, of impending sorrow, of impending doom. The greatest freedom is freedom from this fear and the greatest benefactor is faith and love. The greatest teacher is illusion that greets us all the way, and one by one it lifts those veils, tantalizing and never showing its true face for it has none. But illusion has taught one that lessons are meant to be learnt, veils to be lifted and life enjoyed. Wit all its vagaries and travails, life is a great experience. i am happy i am having this.

Believe me, today I want to thank God for the ordeals placed before me, Tough tests keep us focussed on what is necessary and ignore what is superficial.

Coming back to that love, which is like a prayer offered, a dua proffered, a hand held on a rough road, an unforgettable experience, so pure that you do not want to disturb its purity by discussing it, it is only to be experienced, that is what it was made for, that is what life was made for, Experience, and learning. If there is one healer ever created, it is graitude, being grateful makes us happiest. Am I asking for too much and getting too misty about things,....may be! but this is a free flow of thoughts and nothings kinda can successfully stop it.

Have a great time till we meet again. Love yourself and the ordianry, for that is the most important.

Which Way Heaven...

When I read the great masterpiece Madhushala by the excellsior himself, Late Shri Harivansh Rai Bacchhan ji, I always feel that the Pathik is always asking these questions like "Which way heaven?", "How far form here? How long will it take?", while he goes about his journey, he contantly imagines what heaven must be like, this or that, the imagination as such is always dictated by the desires and regrets as well as aspirations and experience gathered after years of wanderlust. Human choices are very complex equations, never perfectly balanced, for there is actually no balance, for the outcome will vary with each variable used, so many number of times and added or subtracted from an infinitude that is made up of such numerous smaller equations. It is that sometimes it seems that we are not making the choice, but the choice is making us. And well, do you have the gall to deny this, I don't think so!

says Bazz Luhrmann, "Your choices are half chance and so are everybody else's."

Sometimes we can simply imagine a choice and bring it to the 3 dimensional material universe and sometimes, in fact most of the times, we may be also be able to influence the 4th dimension of Time. So says the rule of reversibility, or what ever it is called. They say that there are two ways the universe works. Number one is mundane. We see the thing first and the image in the mind is formed later and then we recognize what our worthy eyes are seeing. The other way is interesting, first you have to see something in the mind and then will you see it right there in front of your eyes. It is very true, reverse reaction will take up energy and will not take place until the catalyst of Will is not present, but with these two present in necessary and sufficient amounts, it will be done.

It is very comforting to know that there are several things that will always be out of the domain of general understanding, such is the domain of faith, it exists if you know it does, if you think it does not, well, it thinks the same and disappears. Thus most of our philosophers might propound that will is an important instrument to realize and materialize our most mundane ideas, wishes, etc. But more important is the faith which comes only when one is sure that with this materialization, the goodness in self and thus all around will only increase so much or more!

So I want to have faith, that will assure me that my will is not directing me the wrong way!

See you soon, in the domain of sheer existence at will, in that region of hope where we find all answers but they are irrelevant, where we stop asking which way heaven, and thus findout, it is Heaven all the way!

It is immense pleasure to be writing again, but do forgive me for being so irregular ! :P

Such a long journey!!

So, well, am back after this disturbing hiatus.
Disturbing hiatus, because a hiatus is probably a disturbing period. I mean, look at Egypt, Libya, Tunisia....and may be...may be....who knows...China...after some time. I do feel that oppression is a good catalyst for brewing trouble. and China is presently trying to balance a see-saw, well no doubt about that. One one side it has this educated subject and on the other side it has it's own anachronistic, but functional, bureaucracy. Correct me if I am wrong.
A difficult question then arises. What were the masses doing for the past 30-41 years. It won't take an expert to answer that this is not the same mass.
the Feb 21 issue of Outlook, Mr. Vinod Mehta, in the column "Delhi Diary" writes that just bacause an uprising isn't in the offing in India, doesn't mean India is any better. Infact, like many others he compares Elections with the Pressure cookers safety valve. And to support this he offers figures comparing Per Capita Income of Egypt and Per Capita Income of a particular adivasi tribe in India. I find this comparison irrelevant. I am not taking sides, even if I should like to do that. But the fact that India has maintained that SYSTEM of Democracy, itself seems to me a milestone. And i still see how people remember the emergency, not too dearly. Though ofcourse the exception is Gurcharan Das, who, in his book "India Unbound" states that "the emergency was too good to last". But these are subjective statements. From what I see today, with the benefit of hindsight, i can say, Emergency might have been good or bad, but it did no good that was enduring.
And at the end we come to the same old statement..."All spent, and nothing endures".
So here comes an end to my blabber..............blah....blah....blah....
P.S.
I am trying to explain my self a few things ....
Like T. S. Eliot, who does not want to ASK for this man's favor or that man's scope, am too obviously left with that wretched feeling that leaves you with one total satisfaction of having tried. That gives you the strength to go on and NEVER look back, not in anger, not remorse, not in revelry either.